The telephone, mirror, and cannolis


It's Saturday night, and I'm alone. This hasn't happened since I can remember. I'm not pouting, I don't think, it's just weird. It's weird to be alone. I guess it's kind of hard, and it's kind of refreshing. I miss my brother, and his girlfriend, and my best friend who just moved across the country. Yes I realize I'm pouring my heart out, but I don't care. This is my way of screaming on top of a building. The word is one of the only things that is undeniable to me right now. Whether or not people read this isn't the point, the point is that it is here, and it's real.

I guess this just sucks alot more than I bargained for, to be blunt. You wait for so long for something terrible to happen, and the worst part is that you know it's going to happen. And when it actually occurs, you think you're done paying your dues. And then life slaps you in the face and says "No, no, not yet", and you have to find more to give. You want to be angry, you want to blame someone. Blame those who are happy, blame God, it makes no difference. Now is not the time to blame or be angry. In retrospect, I'm not even sure where blame got anyone. Hell they tried to blame OJ and everyone saw how that worked out. It does no good. But when the only way you've ever dealt with anything is to blame or be angry, you're almost at a loss. Hi, my name is Andrea and I'm trying to deal with my life.

And after further consideration, perhaps being alone isn't so bad. I see people everyday who have someone standing next to them, but that doesn't automatically make them any less alone than the next person. I can look in the mirror and see myself and know that that's real. I can call a certain someone in Minneapolis, or North Carolina, or New York City, and know that that's real. And if that is the only comfort besides the cannoli I'm staring at right now, I think I can deal with that.