And the Beat Goes On...


Recall grade school. Remember the weeks leading up to Summer Vacation, that totally kicked ass, right? You have 3ish months off to do whatever the hell you want; no homework, no waking up, perhaps the only thing you have to be concerned with is your silly summer gig at a roller skating rink dressing up as a chicken and doing the chicken dance in the middle of the joint (Not that I had to do that or anything...). Either way, you're really excited, because you know life is going to be good for 3 responsibility free months. And not to mention, these vacation gaps were kind of a right of passage. When you return to school the next year, you know you'll be older, with a little more freedom; you're a little closer to graduating high school, but you can still pull a safety card, in that you aren't quite there yet. However, notice, (atleast for me) the excitement that was there leading up to Summer Vacation wasn't present during the weeks leading up to going back to school. I just saw it as someone else is controlling my free time and I'm just not down with that. Keep this all in mind.

Let's fast forward 3 or 4 years. My little (dwindling) group of friends are all in college, and they come home for almost every break. The friends I still have I'm extremely attached to, and I hate saying good-bye, especially to them. There is another reason I'm not a fan of saying good-bye to them when they leave, other than just simply missing them. I know what follows after they leave; another semester, more of growing into who we are, getting closer to "life". This is all very exciting, but it's kinda scary at the same time. I peaced out of high school a year early, so I'm graduating a year before most of my friends. More importantly, I'm graduating this semester (have I mentioned I have no plan? And that doesn't bother me, no sir not at all, not even a little, nope) . I said good-bye to my best friend last night (it's only for a month, but still). You get the point. It's just a weird feeling, like you're on your way to a new city or town you know you belong, you just haven't figure out the back roads and haven't found your favorite coffee shop yet. It will be fun figuring everything out, it's just a little intimidating.

So now, I'm 5 months away from "The End" (have I mentioned that yet?). It's kind of like those weeks not leading up to Summer Vacation, but leading up to going back to school, even though I'm finishing school. Let me explain. The excitement of the "Summer Vacation Weeks" is definitely there, it's just a little different. With Summer Vacation, you know what you're getting, with this next step, I don't. There is always another year of school, or of the "known" following Summer Vacation. Pretty much, there is alot of the unknown, and decision making to be done. I feel like I've already had the opportunity to make some minor life decisions and stand on my own, but this time it's a little different.

I think each time around, the decision making is always going to have a different flavor to it, and that is a part of life, a good part of life; you just have to step up and be able to do it. An important element of life is the totem pole of decisions. At the bottom when you're just starting out, the totem pole is pretty wide and stable; you're in middle school deciding if you want to take French of Spanish, then you move up a little and it becomes slightly more narrow; are you going to college after you graduate, are you getting a job, are you joining the military? Then when that stage is over, you move up again, are you moving are you staying, are you buying a house? Then it continues to grow, become more complex, do you take this job promotion where I have to move my family or whatever the case may be. One day you wake up and realize, I didn't just move up the totem pole, but I really chose the path for my life, and that's a good feeling. And if you're happy with that path, then it's a great feeling. Just don't be afraid of the totem pole, freak out once in a while about it, but don't be scared.