I Fibbed, it's Cuter than Lying


If you saw my last post, I've sworn all this off for a while. And that was wrong. After teetering on this since I swore I wasn't going to write anymore, I can't not write. I get frustrated, I get annoyed, but I love it, and I can't be without it. I just need to find a human being that does something similar for me (and vice versa) and I'd be all set (oh and paying off student loans wouldn't hurt, either).

The topic of love, and how that incorporates into life, has been one of choice lately. There are all kinds of love, the love you have for your best friend, the kind you have for your senile father, your dog, a city, etc. But there is one kind of love that is different, the love you have for that One other person. I don't know how it's different; like I can't put it into words. I know you can't be without it, but you don't want to be without your friends or your obnoxiously colored rain boots you love either. Maybe it's just at a larger caliber? After several conversations with a few close friends, I still can't articulate something reasonable. Now, keep in mind, I'm a writer/English major, I (poorly) attempt to make art out of words. When I can't do that, I get rather pissed.

So ironically, with the love/hate relationship I have with figuring shit out with writing, I've been obsessing over this topic. I'm not here to rationalize this issue of love either; I don't want to play with fire. I'm kinda understanding that some things aren't meant to be understood. I guess some things aren't meant for the word, and only for the heart. Which is disappointing from a writer's perspective, but I think that's why so many of us are romantics. We can't conceive of this concept by writing about it, we can only feel it, and even after writing about it from experience, no word can ever do it justice. But we always try and we're always striving for more love and beauty in things so we can learn and write more.

It's kind of an adventure. Even if some days, you're just irritated with this so called "adventure", you're still going to get out of bed and see where it takes you; I've seen very few people truly give up. I love writing but some days I wish we were all mutes and language was never invented. But our emotions, our hearts would still exist, we use the language to represent these kinds of ideas (just ask John Locke), which creates this kind of hierarchy of our hearts and then words. The emotion/love takes precedence. Which tells me that you can't hide from that, and at the end of the day you have a choice to either skew the truth (or worst case scenario you just lie to yourself), or you can be brave, and follow your heart and let the words follow after. Or maybe in this case, you don't need them at all. It's kind of like the end of Back to the Future Part II when Marty asks Doc if they'll have a long enough stretch of road to reach 88 mph. Doc replies, "Where we're going, you don't need roads".