Ze Plan

Let me tell you a little about Ze Plan.

Ze Plan is what my best friend and myself refer to as our daily schedule when we are together. Usually, when we refer to it as Ze Plan, it entails some kind of fun; galavanting in Saratoga, making a big fat-ass breakfast for dinner, reading, rocking out to Spice Girls, Hanson, or some other equally obnoxious 90's artist. Regardless, Ze Plan is generally an agenda we look forward to.

Now, let's apply this concept of Ze Plan to Real Life. Hmm....yes. Real life, right. Are you encountering some difficulties with this? I can imagine you are, as I have afore mentioned, Ze Plan entails fun. When discussing real life, student loan payments, mortgages, and/or how your stocks are doing are topics that often come up. These topics often do not entail fun (and, if you're lucky, they also do not entail an anxiety attack). This is like fitting a square peg into a circular hole. That is a very frustrating battle I have not yet conquered.

Okay we have the concept of Ze Plan in relation to Real Life down, or actually maybe we don't and that's why this blog exists. Either way, let's talk about lines. Take a moment to consider where you see lines, what you think of when you think of lines. If you are happy with the concept of lines, then you're just an optimistic bastard and you shouldn't be reading this. (J/K, sort of). Anyway, when I think of lines, I think of sidelines, the yellow and white lines on the road, single file lines, age lines already developing in my face, the metaphor of "crossing the line", and graphing lines (I'm not a fan of mathematics). In my experience, good things do not happen with lines; I cross the line when I consume too much alcohol, I swerve across the yellow and white lines on the road because I'm too busy rocking out to Avril Lavinge, and I'm bad at math. Yes, yes, I'll get to the point.

Expand your consideration of lines to a linear progression; consider what happens when you properly solve an evil linear equation. A straight line occurs. It never goes off course. In middle school, if we screw up one of these equations, our line is crooked and we are made to feel like an idiot. My lines were never straight. This is why Ze Plan and Real Life do not mesh well.

Ze Plan is usually a linear equation; my friends and I are going to do X, Y, and Z, and life is happy. This lineage is fine if intended to map out a day, or a weekend. As humans, especially in the era we are currently coexisiting in, we aren't designed to live linear lives. When I was just starting college, graduating, settling into a job and staring "real life" sounded great. Okay, I'm there. The past 16 years of life have been relatively linear, moving up the education ladder, getting better jobs along the way, developing relationships. All of the sudden, the line stopped progressing, and now it can go anywhere; no more equation to solve. With all the opportunities and things to see and places to go and stuff to experience, how can we help but live a fragmented life? Each fragment or experience is something different and it's all interrelated, and for Christ's sake, it's exciting!

It's been brought to my attention that this realization is one that many have during their mid-life crisis. Even though I feel like a basket case (in part because I am) because I'm twenty years old having this, I'm saving myself a regrettable piercing, tattoo, or automobile purchase. And not to mention, saving my future, poor-bastard-of-a-husband a lot of insanity. So I fully support freaking out early about the ability to choose your life, rather than follow a line for forty years. By the time that happens, it'll be too late. So embrace the fragments, mosaics are way more satisfying to look at anyway.