A Rebuttal Against Myself

Today I am confused. And tomorrow I will probably be confused too. Perhaps the next day as well, but I make no promises. And this is probably what being 20-something is all about; being confused. It has occurred to me during my twenty year young mid life crisis that having answers, isn't the answer. And I didn't even have to get a tattoo of Xtina "Fighter" lyrics to figure it out. My mom, somewhere, is so proud.

In my last post, I explained that..as humans, especially in the era we are currently coexisiting in, we aren't designed to live linear lives. I'm not sure I did this statement justice and it's been bothering me. What is this era we are all coexisting in? And why the hell are you so afraid to care?

For the most part, I attribute culture changes and generation gaps to war. Look at what happened after the Civil War (seriously kids, if you can understand what happened to our culture at the turn of the last century, you can figure out what is happening now). Urbanization, industrialization. African Americans and other races were integrated into the alleged white man's society to start developing what is now the "real America". This isn't going to be politically correct, but it's not going to be racist either so don't think about pulling that card. Cities were being developed, which created a huge culture shock and essentially created a new American culture. Cultures and races meshed together that knew nothing about the other until coexisting in that Post Civil War American setting. And we're shocked at the racism and the disunity why? I'm not saying it's right by any means, but Jesus people, at first (remember: we are about only 150 years Post Civil War, regardless of the issues we still have, I think we've come a hell of a long way), no we can't all get along. This isn't the White Anglo Saxon Protestant's fault either, or anyone else's fault; this is human nature. Like Buffalo Springfield said, nobody's right when everybody's wrong.

Okay enough ranting about why world peace is an insane concept to try to implement over a Presidential Term or even over a century, or even with a war in Iraq. Whoops guess we weren't talking about that exactly, but God I hope you get the point. Anyway, okay, let's move on to WWI and WWII. We're going through economic prosperity and despair and all sorts of highs and lows and at the end of the day it is all about survival. That's where the babyboomer generation came in. With my experience, things I've read, and things I've been told, regardless of emotion, life is all about survival because that's how they were raised. They have this innate ability to divorce themselves from emotion to make things work, on the surface. For this sole reason, I hate war. Survival is one thing, but living is something else. Here's where you get the divide: some of the babyboomers became hippies, and some went to Vietnam. Again, the idea of survival is implemented with wartime mentality. Notice too, as a society, we're always reacting to the initial action of war. War dominates (christ I sound like a liberal) all. After WWI, our economy reacts positively, but then it starts to go down the shitter and oh how convenient, we have WWII to pull us out. Then after WWII the era of peace love and happiness is a direct result of the hate seen in the rest of the world. Is anyone here seeing a pattern?

So let's jump ahead to right now. We have a War in Iraq, that is being fought by many younger soldiers that have never lived during wartime, and in turn are also not a product of war (**this does not go for all**). Here is where the generation gap comes in, we aren't directly reacting to any war (not yet at least, it's too early to react to Iraq). So instead, we're doing a mix of finding ourselves and losing ourselves, there is more room for emotion and actual living since we aren't just surviving and reacting. This is new for our society, in my opinion. And the older generations keep asking us why we're all so fucked up and emotional and we're asking them why they're not. What a mess, huh?

So where is the rebuttal against myself? In another post ( I don't know which one ) I said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Okay there is truth to that. But in part, I'm starting to think it's bullshit. Maybe we should all stop reacting, to war, to society, and start being proactive and starting anew. I'm not suggesting world peace or peace in general as an answer, because in our current situation, I'm not sure that's a realistic option. I'm suggesting making things happen and controlling some aspects of your life, and letting others go so that at the end of the day, you own your generation and it doesn't own you.

I have a feeling some who cared enough to read this think I'm wrong or incorrect in some points. I'm very interested in hearing why. If you like arguing, send your arguments here: andi1889@yahoo.com

Ze Plan

Let me tell you a little about Ze Plan.

Ze Plan is what my best friend and myself refer to as our daily schedule when we are together. Usually, when we refer to it as Ze Plan, it entails some kind of fun; galavanting in Saratoga, making a big fat-ass breakfast for dinner, reading, rocking out to Spice Girls, Hanson, or some other equally obnoxious 90's artist. Regardless, Ze Plan is generally an agenda we look forward to.

Now, let's apply this concept of Ze Plan to Real Life. Hmm....yes. Real life, right. Are you encountering some difficulties with this? I can imagine you are, as I have afore mentioned, Ze Plan entails fun. When discussing real life, student loan payments, mortgages, and/or how your stocks are doing are topics that often come up. These topics often do not entail fun (and, if you're lucky, they also do not entail an anxiety attack). This is like fitting a square peg into a circular hole. That is a very frustrating battle I have not yet conquered.

Okay we have the concept of Ze Plan in relation to Real Life down, or actually maybe we don't and that's why this blog exists. Either way, let's talk about lines. Take a moment to consider where you see lines, what you think of when you think of lines. If you are happy with the concept of lines, then you're just an optimistic bastard and you shouldn't be reading this. (J/K, sort of). Anyway, when I think of lines, I think of sidelines, the yellow and white lines on the road, single file lines, age lines already developing in my face, the metaphor of "crossing the line", and graphing lines (I'm not a fan of mathematics). In my experience, good things do not happen with lines; I cross the line when I consume too much alcohol, I swerve across the yellow and white lines on the road because I'm too busy rocking out to Avril Lavinge, and I'm bad at math. Yes, yes, I'll get to the point.

Expand your consideration of lines to a linear progression; consider what happens when you properly solve an evil linear equation. A straight line occurs. It never goes off course. In middle school, if we screw up one of these equations, our line is crooked and we are made to feel like an idiot. My lines were never straight. This is why Ze Plan and Real Life do not mesh well.

Ze Plan is usually a linear equation; my friends and I are going to do X, Y, and Z, and life is happy. This lineage is fine if intended to map out a day, or a weekend. As humans, especially in the era we are currently coexisiting in, we aren't designed to live linear lives. When I was just starting college, graduating, settling into a job and staring "real life" sounded great. Okay, I'm there. The past 16 years of life have been relatively linear, moving up the education ladder, getting better jobs along the way, developing relationships. All of the sudden, the line stopped progressing, and now it can go anywhere; no more equation to solve. With all the opportunities and things to see and places to go and stuff to experience, how can we help but live a fragmented life? Each fragment or experience is something different and it's all interrelated, and for Christ's sake, it's exciting!

It's been brought to my attention that this realization is one that many have during their mid-life crisis. Even though I feel like a basket case (in part because I am) because I'm twenty years old having this, I'm saving myself a regrettable piercing, tattoo, or automobile purchase. And not to mention, saving my future, poor-bastard-of-a-husband a lot of insanity. So I fully support freaking out early about the ability to choose your life, rather than follow a line for forty years. By the time that happens, it'll be too late. So embrace the fragments, mosaics are way more satisfying to look at anyway.