The Scapegoat


Blame is something we need in our lives, it's true. We may blame ourselves, we may blame other people, sometimes it's warranted, and sometimes it's not. I work for an insurance company. I love my job, no joke I really do. But usually, when a client has to call our office about something, it's not about how cute their new puppy is. Something happened to their home or car, and they're pissed. Rightfully so, no doubt. I love it when an irate client calls, I always get the "I know this isn't you're fault but...." and they proceed to chew me out for the next 15 minutes. I'm totally cool with that, I get paid decent money for it, but at the end of the day, I'm wondering, why, why the hell are jobs created just for people to bitch?

In our society, we need to blame someone, anyone for our problems. Even if it is ourself, it doesn't matter. Once we attach someone, anyone to such a problem, I think it gives us a sense of control over it, even if in reality, we really don't have any more control, whether blame was in the picture or not. This idea has been reinforced in my life recently not only with my job but pretty much everything else (it's so poetic how it all works out).

We need control, that's how we get through the day. I think that's okay to a point, but sometime, we need to realize that we can just be angry, and not attach an @ symbol to it. It is so refreshing to realize that you in fact don't have control over what is going on (unless whatever you're problem is is self inflicted, then this usually doesn't apply and I offer no sympathy) and it's okay to be angry, and you don't have to be angry at anyone. For me, this has brought such a sense of peace, and it seems like the most obvious thing, but I guess for some people it's just not. Stop the blame, forgive, be forgived, love, and at the end of the day, we might be alright.

The X Number of Wonders

Milestones. Let's pick this word apart. Mile - something of somewhat considerable length. Stone - something big, something used for marking. Milestones are what we measure our life with, often times. We graduate high school, we get our first real job or go to college, we get married, we have kids. I once heard that our lives are compiled of just a few really important days, those probably being the so-called milestones. But what about the in between? Sure, these stones mark events, but what about all the growth, the real meat of life? I like to call these mile glaciers. If you think this sounds ridiculous, you're probably right. But let me explain. Ever hear the asshole "this is just the tip of the iceberg" phrase? Yeah, same concept. These milestones are the tip of the iceberg, but there is so much more underneathe.

If you're afraid of the uncertain, this could be the most terrifying thing to you. You never really know how big a glacier is until you go underwater and explore it (some crazy British guy does this on the Discovery Channel, it's pretty cool), but figuratively speaking is what I really mean. It's all about taking the plunge. You might find a shark, you might find a coral reef ( I don't know if they have those in artic climates, I didn't do much -any- research before writing this....).

If you look back on your life, however long/much you have lived thus far, and you can only remember the mile stones, and not the glaciers, I suggest digging deeper from here on out. I look back on mine, and I see too many tips. If you've seen one tip, you've seen them all - I want to know what else is out/under there. I feel regret for those I have skipped over - they could have been great, and they might not have - I'll never know. This is very similar to the Faustian complex I base most of my life on - is it better to know or not? If you'd rather not know, then fine, float on from one tip to the next. But for those who want to know, take your time and explore what's underneathe. It probably won't be easy all the time, but that doesn't mean it has to be all that hard, and you might encounter some good times and without doubt some bad. But you will atleast know, and most importantly, you won't leave without feeling something real.

Huck Finn Broke my Heart


We all know the story, some better than others, and some way better than they should. Whether you spark noted the story in high school or are basing your entire college (and probably post-grad...) career on Twain's piece, you know the novel. You probaby hate it, and for good reason. It's not because Twain constructed poor prose, in fact, just the opposite. He constructed hatable characters. And let me (briefly) tell you why.

Huck starts off kind of...sketchy. He just follows Tom's ideas and boyish fantasies blindly, which is...fine. However, when Huck is (allegedly) in his own world/raft with Jim, he makes his own decisions and creates his own morals. But when Tom comes back into the picture, he just starts following Tom, not understanding what they're doing, and just automatically assuming Tom is right, and he just didn't get it. Deep down, I think Huck felt there was something wrong with him since he didn't get why him and Tom did all the nonsense they did. I'd love to strangle him for that.

Leaving your self-worth up to someone else to evaluate is a mistake I watch so many people make - yes, me too. If someone doesn't think you're "X" and you want them to think you're "X", you just feel like a failure. What happened to the individual, and what we thought about ourselves? I can understand that in high school (and being a semi recent graduate this seems to be a reoccuring theme to me as friends and time changes) your friends are all you have, so if they don't like what you're doing, it may be harder to break the mold (even though you should if that's what you bloody want). But when you get into the real world (whatever the hell that means) and you meet all sorts of people from various backgrounds, it becomes harder to live through other people as those who surround you become that much more diverse. Then it is up to you to become you who are, if you so choose. God that is so scary, but even more so refreshing. Endulge in these different people, even if you don't necessarily care for them, they can be useful in figuring out who you are. Go download No Doubt's "Different People", and mull this over. Maybe I was wrong before, maybe we can have both ourselves and other people, as different as they may be.